Doing the Airport Security Shuffle

Everything I learned about getting through airport security I learned from the Soup Nazi.

An efficient pass through security can make the difference between having enough time to stop off to get a high carb and low protein bite at the gate and having to buy a snack box on the plane.

Having gone through airport security several times, I’ve witnessed passengers fly through security faster than it takes to punch through the self check-in at Southwest. On the other hand, I’ve seem “amateurs” hold up long lines as they fumble through the process. Based on my observations I’ve developed a process and check list to help a traveler “dance” through security.

The Airport Security Shuffle
(Assumes passenger has one bag to check and one carry-on with laptop)

Step 1: The Pre Security Prep and Strip

Pre Security Prep

Print out your boarding pass before you go to the airport. Be sure to have your pass in hand as you are standing in line to wait for the next touch screen kiosk to check in your bags

With boarding pass in-hand approach the self check in and check in bags. As you waiting for your luggage check stickers to be printed, take your photo ID out of your wallet or purse and put into a shirt pocket

Show your boarding pass and ID to the bag checker at the counter. Smile. Wave goodbye to you bag as it’s flung on the conveyor belt…and say a prayer that it arrives at your destination (if you check in no less than hour before departure, your bags should arrive just fine).

Put your boarding pass and license in your shirt pocket

Pre Security Strip

Before going into the security line, find an area close by… away from the lines…to begin the Pre Security Strip. This is the fun part.

Take off your belt, watch, car/house keys, change and other jewelry and place in a pocket in your carry on bag.

DO NOT TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS. THE TSA HATES IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT.

Step 2: Paying Homage to the “Soup Nazi”

Take out your ID and boarding pass from your shirt pocket and hold in preferred hand (I’m a ‘righty’).Those of us “Seinfeld” fans should be having flash backs to the “Soup Nazi” episodes.

Enter into the security line. Only when summoned, approach the TSA rep at his podium. Show the TSA rep your ID and boarding pass. Do not smile or speak. Once the rep believes you are “no security risk,” he or she will “check” your boarding pass with a highlighter marker.

If you pass the test, the TSA rep will direct you to go through the metal detectors. Continue to not smile and to not speak. Put the ID and boarding pass back in your shirt pocket (see! Shirts with pockets help!) pocket along with your folded boarding pass

Step 3: Breaking It Down with the Security Trays

Grab 2 of the TSA trays near the front of the security scanner conveyor belt. This is where the true “professionals” shine and where the “ammeters” well…look like they’ve never done this before.

Immediately take out your laptop and place it in the first tray. Don’t put anything else in there!

Put your jacket on the bottom of the second tray as a “tray liner.” Put your carry on back on top of the jacket. Find a corner in the tray to stuff your shoes.

NOTE ON SHOES: TRY TO WEAR SLIP ONS IF POSSIBLE. IF YOU ARE WEARING SHOE STRING SHOES, TRY TO UN-TIE YOUR SHOES BEFORE YOU GET TO THE SECURITY TRAYS)

Push the trays on to the scanner conveyor belt.

Hold out your ID and boarding pass out of our shirt pocket.

Show your boarding pass and ID to the TSA rep when summoned. Follow the same procedure defined in the “Paying Homage to the Soup Nazi” phase to get through the metal detector “door frame.” Without hassle.

Step 4: Taking it Back Home

Wait patiently for your trays to come through the scanner conveyor. The “Soup Nazi” is still watching you.

Once the trays come through, verify that all contents made it through the journey.

Immediately take your laptop out of the first tray and put it back in your carry on.

Leaving the first tray behind, pick up the second and walk to the series of chairs and “inspection tables.” Put the tray down in an open space.

Re-assemble your self with all the contents (belt, watch, wallet, etc) you put in your carry on.

Put your ID back in your wallet.

Proceed to gate…and buy a low protein, high carb meal on the way.

You have just completed the Airport Security Shuffle.

Or Just Get the Clear Card

Before you walk away from the security section, notice the standing kiosk nearby for the Clear airport security pass card. Use of this pass can cut your “dance time” in half or more…but it will cost you. If you travel A LOT, it may be worth the fees.